It's been coming up a lot lately, in what I see other people doing, in interactions I'm engaged in, in myself.
So... the story....
We were doing a series of standing poses, trikonasana, warrior II, etc. They require an exertion of strength through your legs, in your core and reaching out with the arms. Plus you're trying to align your body correctly, right down to the angle of the arch of your foot. The poses require concentration and fully embodied awareness. And they can be demanding on lax muscles.
To counter this it is normal for people to hold their breath unconsciously, or to breathe very shallowly. Sometimes it makes it feel like your muscles can hold the pose more steadily, that your muscles are stronger. Sometimes you're so busy concentrating on what else is happening that you just forget.
So I was holding my breath, and so were most of the class. (We were newbs!)
My teacher simply said:
"I can see that some of you are holding your breath in these poses. I know that it can feel like it helps you hold the poses, but it's really a very short-term strategy!"
We laughed, of course, but the UTTER BRILLIANCE of this passing, humorous remark has never left me.
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Of course she went on to re-emphasise that the challenge in practice is finding the balance of sthira (strength) and sukkha (softness), effort and ease, stillness and movement, holding firm and letting go.
And she's right and yes that is what life (and yoga) is all about, balance, awareness, consciousness. I love love love it all. Yes.
But can we get back to the utter brilliance that nobody in that room probably noticed but me?
It's a very short term strategy!
Hilarious AND utterly brilliant. My favourite!
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So it's been coming up a bit for me.
How how how many ways do I "hold my breath" in my life?
How many times do I do things that help me hold the "pose" NOW but are really unsustainable?
Cairene McDonald calls it magical thinking. I quote....
"I’m talking about…It's a good article. You should go read it.
- cramming more commitments into an already overfull schedule
- adding more responsibilities to an already too-long to-do list
- buying more stuff with an already depleted bank account
- demanding more work from an already tired body
- and so forth…
And expecting to get away with it because it’s just this once.
This is not how we normally do things. We know better. But this time, something about our circumstances seems to demand an exception – seems to require magic.
Because it seems there’s no other way out."
Magical thinking, the wilful believing that we will GET AWAY WITH IT and pull a rabbit out of the hat, against all rational, reasonable, laws-of-physics knowledge of how you and the world works, can be very alluring.
Because of the hurt ego stuff, and the disappointment, and the choosing and grieving that entails. ETc, Cairene covers it, you should read the damn article already so you know what I'm talking about.
And it's especially alluring when you've been doing it a long time... Hmmmmm.... like me.....
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So within my Glorious Greenhouse meditations I've been thinking a lot about boundaries, about expectations, about space and time and how to allocate it. About how we decide where the limits are. And how we communicate them.
And how I am entitled to have them but have been very bad at setting them, or communicating them, or defending them, or honouring them.
I've absorbed and absorbed and absorbed things, demands, distractions, compromises, that breach my boundaries. I've sucked it up as I've gone without things, time, space, practices that support, defend and honour my boundaries.
But really, how long can I survive like this? To whose advantage, in the end, is it if I burn myself out so entirely that I snap? Or go mad? Warp my Self, fall down faint and drop everything, or asphyxiate?
Like holding my breath, it's a very short term strategy.
