Once again, thanks to Havi for the concepts and tools and quite a bit of the language....
Checking in on the week that was. Only four days late. Which is okay.
The Hard
- Arguments that go round and round in circles. Feeling like I'm not being listened to because I have to repeat myself. Again. Having to re-explain and re-defend my position AGAIN and feeling resentful that my co-arguer is not taking on the responsibility of knowing and understanding my position STILL. Angry. Frustrated. Yuk.
- The rollercosting. Losing energy, losing hope, feeling like I've got my finger in the dike of inevitability, then woooooaaaaahhhh no it's all okay, it's all going to be okay, no really it's going to be okay then woooooaaahhh here comes the big one! Tiring. To be expected, but still tiring.
- Very little progress on my projects.
- Processing the implications of my son's autism diagnosis. Researching on Dr Google and getting overwhelmed by the amount of information and potential things-that-might-help (yay) but also the amount of work and changes required to implement said things. If I choose to implement them. Which I might or might not and I have lots of questions and tests that need to be done first and how am I going to pay for this?
- Living with the You-are-a-BAD-MOTHER-monster who has taken up firm residence at the front of the bus. (My head is a bus with a large and noisy array of internal characters). I think it's there so that I can feel responsible for the diagnosis and then I don't have to just feel sad and frightened and betrayed-by-the-universe.
- Bills in money out boredom. I am really really ready to be ready to get through my stucknesses around this because it is fucking boring having no discretionary spending money AND more debt at the end of the week anyway.
- Falling waaaaay back into my Rude Teen and not making much 'in-the-hard' headway with my Greenhouse.
The good
+ Five days off work in a row. Oh, so soooo good to be away from the office and the desk and the iguanas and the tasks that used to be iguanas.
+ Cooking up lots of food for the freezer and planting lots of seeds in my garden. Thrifty Miss Martha Me!!
+ Sweetness and love interspersing the hard stuff on the rollercoaster. Dolce, dolce!
+ Little lad figures out how to use the mouse on the computer and play the game he always wanted to with a Very Serious Look of Concentration. Very funny and cute.
+ Having memorised enough of the principles of Shiva Nata H1 and V1 that I can practice (badly, don't worry) even though we've lost the remote and now can't use the DVD. Der.... But, hey - good on me for making headway in a Very Bloody Complicated system!
+ Jen Hoffman's mini-festo on why it's important to claim a room of one's own. And a comforting reply reminding me that putting myself last is how I show people I love them. Now I just need to do that for myself as well. AS WELL I said, You-Must-Earn-Your-Love-Lest-Ye-Be-Abandoned-Again Monster, please stop making me feel guilty I will still make sure the people I love know this okay?
+ Havi's Procrastination Dissolve-O-Matic. Chock full of goodness and just a little woo woo that works. My favourite.
................
xx
