The Friday Chicken: A (not quite) weekly review of what went down (and up), following the lead of my teacher and favourite bloggess yoga smartypants Havi....
Hard shtuff
- Tiiiiiiiired. Also, society (hey, this is me - what's new?)
Not sleeping well, Little Lad visiting the big bed every night not helping. Perpetually hungry. Travelling to Bolivia is aardvark.... another reason why nuclear family set up is crap. Without 17 aunties and sisters around to pick up the slack you have to Keep Going (!!!) and you end up completely exhausted MONTHS before the little rat arrives and the remnants of your sleep routine go to shit. No wonder we've got a ppd epidemic! Luckily I am aware that The Expectations of Society are a piece of crap and feel pretty okay with only ever achieving an 'Adequate' in the housewife stakes, at best.
- getting in touch with my Life Porpoise.
I seem to have stepped much more fully into my life (good) but it's putting me in touch with a hell of a lot of intense emotions (ow, even the good ones kind of). Not bad, but intense. Seriously!! Intensity feeding into the tiiired above too. Ohhh, maybe hormones contributing to this too? JUST occurred to me...
- the merry-go-roller-coaster
We are still on it. My PTSD hypersensitivity leading to public shouting (damn, I do like to be thought sane) leading to his normal sensitivity and also PTSD hypersensitivity leading to Stupid Words leading to hurt feelings leading to confusion and pain and eventually kind of making friends again and assuaging the merry-go-roller-coaster relationship nausea somewhat. Also feeding the tired.
Ah, that'll do...
Good shtuff
+ getting in touch with my Life Porpoise.
Embracing my [girl]-ness and given the public internet swearing and analysis meltdown last week meaning that I have publicly declared myself to be Decidedly Not Beige (Suck It Up) I decided to post this FABULOUS talk on facecrack today. YAY!! Have wanted to for a year or more but been too chicken to do it in case people don't like me for being so intense. So seeing as any other impression has been shot to hell, here it is! Enjoy!
Lots of thinking and writing and talking about Missions From God and Life Porpoise and helping other people get on with their Missions From God because we have to SAVE THE WORLD and besides which why not, life is much sweeter when you're living your life porpoise. And also we HAVE to save the world, it would be SUCH a shame not to. I'm raising one child and carrying another and I feel strongly about this too.
INTENSITY all over!! Trying to figure out how to channel this energy sustainably. You can't LIVE like this, it's too demanding. Emergency calming employed several times to bring myself down a little even though I was totally ENJOYING my outrage and passion and heart-pumping and ALIVENESS. Sadly, not a sustainable state. It's why even sixteen year old girls grow up.
+ Woo!
Emergency calming and other wonderful woo-woo mind/body/energy/soul tricks. They are So Very Useful.
+ Friends. Not the dumb telly show
New friends. New conversations with old friends. Old friends talking Very Good Sense which was highly needed. Lots of thinking, talking and writing. Authenticity proving to be far less energy and far more rewarding than trying to please, trying to fit, trying to be..... whatever. Oh... right. Yes.
+ Feeling useful
Dear friend going through a learning experience of the suckiest variety and thinking that maybe talking to me helped her a bit to get out of taking responsibility for Other People's Crap and only have to deal with Her Crap which is a hell of a lot better deal and I think maybe helped reduce some of the sucky.
Good to reiterate it all to myself too. I am in the process of getting better at X. I am allowing Person to be in the process of getting better at Y if and when he chooses to do so. Also: boundaries. Finding them, honouring them and defending them. This is important.
+ jobweb clearing
Jobwebby job likely to be reorganised in the best interest of the project which will mean I won't have to worry about it and feel bad about it because it requires more than I'm capable of. Phew! Will have to seek alternative income but hey that's at least three weeks away! *rolls eyes at my own money slackness. oh whatEVAH*
Ummmmm, that will do too.
Cluck!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
