The Friday Chicken: A (not quite) weekly review of what went down (and up), following the lead of my teacher and favourite bloggess yoga smartypants Havi....
Hard stuff
- kind of losing my cool online today with people who haven't had to deal with a kid with 'food aversion' and suggest (in a SUPPORT GROUP environment) that they just need some discipline. Old rage, old grief, old helplessness, wretchedness, fear, guilt, shame, self-condemnation and sense of utter failure and despair. Ow. OW. Still, very very very raw there. Safe room, please.
- dealing with stuff that comes up in my relationship. It is good that we can actually do it now, but it's still hard to do it. Also it takes time that my body would rather I spend sleeping but that would be a very short-term strategy and so I choose tiredness, which has it's own aspect of hard. Better hard, but hard.
- tiiiiiiiired and queasy and feeling hungover.
- scary family budget stuff. I wish I was more money literate.
- running through my procrastination tricks so long I end up backed into a deadline induced corner and churn through work and spend a lot of time apologising because I know I'll get away with it... Would rather have just worked through the resistance earlier and got more stuff done more easily.
- doing some fun, pattern covered (literally, the pretty decorative paper kind of patterns!) journal stuff and hit a tiny wall and put it all away. Oh, the other kind of pattern. Yes, that too.
Good stuff
+ post-it note art. Mmmmmm stationery!!
+ seaweed inari from my sushi lunch joint, my new favourite. Yumyumyum
+ reminders from good people about patterns and getting off the usual loop (hello familiar neuronal pathway) and how it doesn't actually mean anything bad about me that I have patterns and loops and how I have thought about all this before. Thanks, good people. Also thanks people who make journal worksheets and cover them in pretty patterns. That's great!
+ working through relationship stuff seems to be getting... ??? ...more efficient????!? Dare I hope? Don't want to put the mozz on it!!! But this last round felt... efficient. So that's good.
+ romancing the baby and thinking up fabulous and absolutely awful Days of Our Lives kind of names. Glane, for a boy (rhymes with lane). Or La Squeesha for a girl, like on Angry Boys. Bahaha.
+ actually did get some work done despite the jobwebs, (just hoping this won't result in body breakdown over the next few days. Adrenalin is not actually that good for me...)
+ I have money to be budgeting with.
+ California dreaming
+ now is not then.
Good wishes, cheeps. (that would be my chicken-peeps, geddit geddit, I don't want anyone to miss out on my incredibly crappy groan-worthy gag there, okay?)
xoxoxo
