So lovely Havi is talking about Conscious Entry at the moment, and how to work with intention and 'embarking' to alter how you experience... whatever.... she suggests breakfast. Or catching a bus.
The mantra is "Enter as you wish to be in it. Exit as you wish to continue."
It zings with yes-ness. It rings TRUE.
I've struggled to establish a supportive routine, my Glorious Greenhouse, one of my key goals for this year. I've worked with ideas like 'morning starts the night before', and little techniques and mini-rituals, but nothing has stuck. I've devised a ridiculously incremental, 'just one thing' a month plan to change my rude-teen to a Glorious Greenhouse (things like... cleaning my kitchen benches every night, or doing one one part of the endless washing cycle)... just one thing a month. But I fell off the wagon in the first month.
I guess my mornings do have a kind of routine. But they're not consciously and intentionally chosen. Just patterns I've fallen into. Fallen.... such a disempowered way to have ended up somewhere.
In playing with the conscious entry questions that Havi suggested this afternoon I really grokked that it is about stepping into the experience with Power. CHOOSING to do the thing, and choosing HOW to do it and how to BE in it. Infusing the experience with the qualities you wish to experience in it, by calling on, INVOKING, those qualities in yourself.
So, I'm going to try again.
Because I'm just SLIGHTLY freaking out about how I've sabotaged my pennies from heaven and 'how will I recover' and will I ever get out of my own way and let myself get on with the Mission?
And my Inner Genius says that the thing to do is to find ways of taking care of myself. Lovingly disciplined care of the 'I, Claire' small-s self. In caring for the vessel we care for the mission.
Last night I was thinking about self-care/ahimsa comes in two flavours: the r-hand of 'permission' and the l-hand of 'discipline'. Permitting yourself to be okay and self love and all those nice things, but also the discipline of declining to eat crap, turning off the telly and not giving yourself diabetes.
But for the first time I realised that being NICE to myself about the 'discipline' stuff is ALSO part of the discipline!!!
Ohhhhhh.... Going to bed, doing some yoga, eating well is still what I need to set my inner-disciplinarian to doing but rather than its current method of BERATING me it needs to do it in a loving way. It has to speak NICELY to me! (That would be a pleasant change!)
So. Here I am. Trying again. Trying to figure out a 'morning starts the night before' ritual that will support my Glorious Greenhouse. Because once I give myself the CAPACITY, the good work (the mission) will just flow.
I am the midwife too! I am responsible for CARING for the vessel. This is an ESSENTIAL PART of delivering the mission.
Not because of some cheesy "Claire deserves enough sleep and good food and to look after herself" (although this is also true). Because like it or not I'm still living with a lifetime of I-don't-deserve-it-ness, and I am very early in the process of interacting with and changing those patterns, and truths like that don't Ring True.
But ideas like "in caring for the vessel we care for the mission" I'm much more down with. I can feel far less resistance in my body to this idea.
So. I'm trying again.
Stay tuned...
xoxo
