What’s been going on? I cannot remember. My body is busy doing other crap that means my brain functioning is well down on the list of priorities right now. This is the first hard. Even though I haven’t started the list… Okay I will just ramble so please excuse the atrocious grammar and severe lapses of logic to follow. (And welcome to my world!)
The Hards
- my body is taking over and will not be appeased in any way that fits very easily with my life. Naps will be had but then I push myself to oh-my-god-the-incredibly-late-hour-of-eleven to get the washing hung etc and even if I sleep in til EIGHT I basically feel pretty hungover ALL the time. Varying between extremely (right now) and mildly (occasionally) hungover which is extra shit because I have GIVEN UP HANGOVERS. Also, how much food can one person (well….) actually need and also deciding whether I am hungry, thirsty or pukey is very difficult to determine because they ALL FEEL THE SAME ALL THE TIME. Urrrgggghhhh
- love of my life is in fear of the recession and is angry that I’m not and thinks it’s because I’ve never really been at the mercy of blah blah and I’ve always had someone to fall back on and I don’t know maybe he’s right but getting depressed about it doesn’t seem like a very empowering response and besides I’m an optimist and I can remember that he’s born under the money tree and everything will be fine REALLY and honestly WHO CARES so long as we’ve got the basics which we always WILL in which case find the joy in the details and who gives a shit about holidays to Bora Bora or other crap that his mother aspired to………. Still, feeling either slightly disconnected or the echo of old disconnection and triggery and sensitive on both sides. Ow.
- ghosts of my mother in law. Not the amazing brilliant stuff either, mostly the crap. *sigh* Okay, so the amazing brilliant stuff is probably there just as much but I probably just don’t credit to her… Hmmmm. #bing
- little lad. He is so skinny and pale and sickly in the Dickensian sense. Not robust. Mothers of the world don’t give me any crap about how *hard* it is to have robust thriving energetic healthy kids. I know it is hard, but it’s a better kind of hard to have. Trust me. Be grateful. Yeah yeah yeah this is our journey to travel for some weird ass fucking cosmological karmic reason or some crap I just wish it wasn’t sometimes.
(But don’t worry, my ACTUAL belief underneath the resentment and grief is that he wouldn’t actually have been born AT ALL unless he felt safe coming to the world as he is with all the whatever crap that’s playing out in the physical, and what a gift we have been given because can you imagine the world without him? What a ridiculously reduced place. It would be so much less great without him here. Trust me on that point too. Really, I know that. See also, point one about tired and feeling hungover and gross which leaves one vulnerable to the It’s Not Fair and Why Him and Why Me yada yada yada.)
- life. It gets in the way of my projects and sometimes I wish I did not have a family or job or other stuff (great stuff, love stuff) but my projects are feeling neglected and how to I put my project care into my day? I just do not know. I do keep going doing little itty bits here and there but….. *sigh* progress. It is slow.
Okay.
THE GOODS
- gardening a bit (even with the accompanying strains of my faithful friend You’re So Lazy You Let It Get So Out Of Control Fail Fail Fail)
- vegie swap (even with the accompanying strains of my faithful friend You’ve Offended Everyone Nobody Is Going To Like You Shame Shame Shame)
- nearly nearly almost almost about to get the rest of MY money back from Kafka-esque bureaucracy maybe pretty please fingers crossed they’ve promised and promised I really hope this comes off cos I’ve gone and got my hopes up here.
- tom ka gai that was pretty good even though I didn’t have any lemongrass
- ummmmmm…. the days are getting longer down here and the daffodils are starting to bloom?
Struggling to identify goods. I know there were, like, A GAZILLION more, but I think I need to go sleep some more to get my happy eyes back.
Seeya slater
xox
