The Friday Chicken: A (not quite) weekly review of what went down (and up), following the lead of my teacher and favourite bloggess yoga smartypants Havi....
Hard stuff
- unconnectedness and triggery things everywhere and fighting and feeling hurt and unheard and scared/bored (like, this is my head: it’s a disaster! no you’ll get through this it’s okay it doesn’t define things. no no definitely impending doom we will all die oh god it’s ruined what where you thinking. shut up it’s going to be okay. rinse and repeat. and that’s just the words going on INSIDE my head.)
- not enough sleep and feeling hungover and physically crappy quite a lot.
- my mum and I. We hurt each other in the feelings by accident. As usual. #pattern………
- new job overwhelm + not actually caring enough + lots of other things to think about = very unproductive at work week
- falling badly behind in little lad’s home based therapy program. As if taking him to his two sessions a week is enough. As if that’s going to work. I can see the youareaBADMOTHER monster flexing his fingers, rolling his shoulders and getting ready to get started in on me. And I feel like I should let him do it too.
Good stuff
+ general vomitey hangover feelings have stuck around long enough that I’ve started to visualise it as a little person and tell people. That’s always fun! Hooooollly sheeeyat Bolivia…. (actually Bolivia would make an hilarious name for a girl!!)
+ generalised sense of gratitude and amazement that my love and I are together enough to be cool about going to Bolivia. Overall. In between freaking out.
Really really reeeeeeaaaaallly happy and grateful that THIS boat ride is one where I get to enjoy the ride and be excited and happy instead of feeling guilty and abused and confused and betrayed and terrified… because that was completely sucky and traumatising.
Anyway, we survived (miraculously), got shit together (TRULY miraculous) (well, together ENOUGH), and doing a much better take on the scene this time around…. yes, I am happy about that!
+ permission to eat curry laksa THREE DAYS A WEEK!! mmmmmmmm curry… coconut… seafood… noodles… soup… saturated faaaaaat……. LAAAAHHHRRRLLLLL!!!
+ fun little e-course to declare my values and needs and “uniquity” to myself because I am a 9 on the enneagram and have a fairly amorphous sense of these things and also they give worksheets covered with super cute patterns and have an imaginary mascot host who is ridiculous and funny. And it’s not even here! The internet is wide! I think I will enjoy it.
+ getting quite tearful (in a really good way) after receiving an email that just made me feel so…. welcome. and accepted. Permission To Be Who You Are And Where You Are And That Is Okay, You Are Welcome Here. What a quality to infuse a business with…..
Not only that, the whole exchange actually made me FEEL like that state of …permittedness… was the natural state of things and whenever that quality is not there it’s just because of somebody’s projected crap, be it my own or someone elses.
I mean, I *knew* that, intellectually. But this time I actually FELT it. Like *kapow* to the heart chakra!! (More like *zzhzzhzhGLOWzzhzhzzhh* actually…)
Amazing amazing amazing. So grateful. And inspired. Have taken notes about it to refer to later so I can pay it forward someday.
It’s getting late down here. Off to bed now. G’night cheeps.
(Cheeps? Geddit? My chicken-peeps…. okay I’ll go now!)
xoxo
