A few other people responded with comments about relationships that they might experiment doing less with. And it definitely struck a chord for me. About over-responsibility, over-stepping boundaries, trying to over-control situations.
The hard one for me is letting other people be and do as they see fit, when from my perspective they’re seeing it all wrong and making bad choices.
There is always a strong temptation to jump in and try to make them make the “right” choice, either overtly (shouting!!!) or, far more dangerously, covertly (hints, white lies, black lies but “only because it’s in their best interest”).
No. Must not do this.
Even if they ARE making “bad” choices they are THEIR choices to make. THEIR illusions and misperceptions to uphold. THEIR lessons to learn. And my REACTIONS to their choices is MY stuff to deal with.
I am not the universal puppeteer, even if I think everyone will end up happier in the end. NOT MY RIGHT.
When I was eleven I had a stand up argument with my teacher about a sum in our daily maths test and ended up in tears because she was so irate that I wouldn’t back down, but I only wouldn’t back down because I KNEW I was right. (And I was, she came back after recess and apologised and adjusted everyone’s test results. Though this is beside the point!)
I like to be right. This is a known thing. It is important to my identity (and the fact is that in many places I often AM). But I also know nowadays that the amount of energy I will put into a fight to make my understanding of “right” be seen and understood and agreed with can be detrimental to myself, my life and sometimes to people around me.
My sovereignty, space, and Shuki lessons about “less” are around knowing when to bow out of a fight graciously and leave other people to their own understandings, perceptions and choices, even when I KNOW they’re getting it wrong and that grieves me. My grief is my stuff, not their understandings, perceptions or choices.
Nb. I’m yet to figure out how this would apply in regards to parenting teenagers through the risk-taking years, or if somebody I loved was dealing with addiction, or a manipulative relationship or a cult or something like that. However, none of those are really in my sphere at the moment so I’ll grapple with those issues when or hopefully IF I ever come to them, because I think they're a convenient rabbithole I don't need to go down that would only delay the real processing that needs to be done…
Yeah.
